Bob said something profound to me tonight: "I'm not saying life is black and white, but I think sometimes we invent new colors."
I obviously get a bit wrapped up in the whole Christmas season. I love the music, the lights, the time, the weather, the excuse to knit, the giving of gifts, the paper, the stockings, the wreaths, all of it. It glows and glitters in my little fantasy world of what Christmas looks like. When I was single, living at home, making way more money than I had any business making at a theoretically part-time job I was able to buy numerous gifts and stocking stuffers for family and friends. I loved having whole stacks of presents all wrapped up ready to hand out; I felt like the more I gave, the more they knew I liked them.
Then things changed, certainly for the better, but the income dropped as the expenses grew, and it took a while for me to feel like I was really giving something with meaning. Plus, there was (in my mind) an expectation of what I should be giving, based on what I had given in the past. Crafting has helped that in many ways, because when you give something you've made you're not only giving your money and thought, you're giving time and effort.
But, there's that whole time thing that is now a little short. (I think that there is nothing like a child to show you that you are a lazy bum, "What was I doing with all my time before Bobby came along?) And, I just don't have the time to make the thing I could in years past. I think if I planned better, if I worked on things year-round, it might work out, but given the number of people I know in the same boat each year, I just don't think that's a realistic expectation. And, I've decided there are some things I'm just not going to worry about anymore. At least, I'm going to try not to; we'll see how it goes.
So, tomorrow, I'm going to make Bobby a stocking. He needs one, we and others have things to put in it. And I'm going to finish an IOU present from last Christmas (I should have taken that as an indicator that things were not going to go well this year, if I still had something left from last year, but I chose to ignore it). I'm going to spend some time with family, I'm going to make caramel popcorn, and I'm going to enjoy the next couple of days. Then, I'm going to knit simple stockinette sweaters for Bob and Bobby.
They may not be fancy, they may not be fast, they may not be glitzy and show off my amazing new cabling abilities, but they will serve to remind me that I need to enjoy the simple things. That life is already complicated enough and that simplicity is often beautiful.
5 days ago